You're Not Speaking My Language

You're Not Speaking My Language

Confused couple

Would you marry someone who spoke a language other than yours?  You probably already did.

He who answers before listening to that is his folly and his shame (Proverbs 18:13).

Have you ever done something for your spouse and didn't get the reaction that you expected? Are you in a relationship now where you feel like no matter what you do, your spouse doesn't appreciate you?  Maybe you accredited his/her reaction to that person just being "difficult" or "impossible to please".  If you and your spouse are having trouble communicating, it may be that you are not speaking each other's language.

Consider the following:
Janet is a working wife and mother.  Jerome, her husband, works full time to provide for the family.  Janet feels most connected with her husband when they share quality time; however, Jerome feels closest when he wife does things for him like fixing a nice meal from time to time.

Lately, Jerome has had to work late after work several days during the week and even on weekends. He works hard but he's stressed from work and makes plans to spend his next free weekend with his friends back home that he hasn't seen in a while.

Jeromeís plate is obviously full, but Janet's heart is starving.  Recognizing that something isn't quite right with Janet, Jerome goes out and buys her roses.  To add, he makes those repairs to the house that he's promised to do for the last 6 months.  Janet is appreciative but Jerome can't tell by her reaction so he concludes that his acts of service haven't done much to help her feel better.  Jerome is upset and thinks that anyone else would appreciate what he's done.  He's now upset that his wife is impossible to please.

Though it may have been a sweet gesture and whereas other wives would have been more appreciative, the problem that Janet is having is that her heart is not being spoken to.  What she needs more than anything from Jerome is the one thing he hasn't been giving - time.

Janet and Jerome speak different languages.  In the book "The 5 Love Languages", the author shares that there are essentially 5 love languages...

Words of Affirmation -

Receiving Gifts -

Acts of Service -

Quality Time -

Physical Touch -

Since men and women don't usually think alike, it's understandable that we have different love languages, or things that we need from our spouses to affirm their love for us.  In the scenario above, Jerome doesn't realize that his love language, Acts of Service, is different from his wife's which is quality time.

In order to help her feel affirmed, he would have to speak to her heart.  Rather than roses or home repairs, it would have been better if he spent more time with his wife; or better yet, cancel that upcoming weekend with his friends and let her know that he would rather spend time with her.

Have you ever done something for your spouse and didn't get the reaction that you expected? Are you in a relationship now where you feel like no matter what you do, your spouse doesn't appreciate you?  Maybe you accredited his/her reaction to that person just being "difficult" or "impossible to please".  If you and your spouse are having trouble communicating, it may be that you are not speaking each other's language.